Stupid interview questions

So the big day finally arrives. You’ve got an interview at a company where you’d really like to work. You eagerly arrive 15 minutes ahead of schedule, are ushered into a room with three interviewers, and it begins. Just when you think everything’s going great, the HR manager asks you one of those groaners. “So… what would you say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?”

Your mind screams, “Oh no, not that one again!” but you somehow manage a clich?answer anyway. And just as you’re hoping that the question was just an aberration, out shoots the next one: “If you were an animal, what animal would you be?”

In an instant, your impression of the company crumbles. Is this the company you admired? How could it be, when you’re being asked such asinine questions?

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Principles of my company

One day, I will have my own company. But my company will be different.


How?


1) All People will have their own private offices to work in peace, quiet, and privacy.


2) There will be no motivational posters with nonsensical quotes, etc. floating around anywhere. These are demeaning to employees. They imply that it takes a poster to constantly remind people to do a good job.


3) There will be no performance-related pay. Instead people will be paid fair salaries and everything will be done to take money off their mind. Performance-related pay is nothing but a bribe for employees to do their jobs, and it turns things into a “doing the job just to get the incentive” situation. You can compare it to a dog shaking your hand in exchange for the biscuit you’ll give it as a reward, not because it particularly likes you.


4) There will be no performance reviews to induce fear, distress, and rivalry in the employees. Continuous feedback on the job will eliminate the need for it.


5) People will be rated not on just what their job involves, but on other roles that they may play in the company that contributes to the growth of the company. A Web author who comes up with a money-saving idea will not be rated on just HTML skills alone.


6) People who speak up against company practices will not be labelled “disrupters” and “non-team players”. If their criticism makes sense, it will be seriously considered.


7) No one will have to work overtime for more than two days in a month. If they work more than this, they will get compensatory leave. All people have personal lives that need attention. People with personal problems make inefficient employees.


8) People who are more inclined towards purely technical or functional roles will not be forced to manage people or projects as the only possible career growth option. If someone wants to remain a superior programmer/ designer/ writer, he/she will simply move into a role that requires advanced skills e.g., technology research, advanced UI design, etc.


9) A percentage of company profits will be set aside for distribution in equal percentage amounts to all employees. This is far more effective than incentive pay and since it depends on company growth, it will encourage a holistic view of things rather than individual performance.


10) Lastly, there will never be corporate bullshit like mission statements that say something inane like “We create high-quality products for our customers”, or “Our employees are our greatest asset.” The work environment should say this, rather than trumpeting it in some ego-centric corporate material.