(Special to MadMan’s Web)
Move over call centres and data processing BPOs. The future of outsourcing belongs to another industry, if Indian Minister for Commerce, Kamal Nath, is to be believed. According to Nath, the next new wave of growth in the Indian economy will come from – believe it or not – the protest industry, now being referred to as SPO – Strong Protest Outsourcing.
Speaking at a news conference in New Delhi, Kamal Nath briefed reporters that he sees major business opportunities in getting Western countries to outsource their protests to India. Nath said, “the outsourcing business is about saving costs and increasing efficiency. Why should people in countries like USA and UK waste their time protesting over various issues? The per-capita income is too high to waste time on being offended. Instead, they can simply outsource this activity to Indian companies.” Asked whether Indian companies were globally competitive in this market, Nath confidently added, “Can you think of any country better suited for this business? India is a diverse country with people of many faiths and beliefs. We have a rich history of being offended at every little thing, from western expressions of love like Valentine’s Day to what someone names their dogs. I am certain that we can be the dominant player in this market in the next five years.”
After the press conference, Kamal Nath granted MadMan’s Web an exclusive freewheeling interview in which he talked at length about this new business opportunity, India’s competence in this area, and the government’s special initiatives to foster growth in the industry.
MadMan’s Web: Mr. Nath, thank you for giving us this chance to interview you.
Kamal Nath: My pleasure. This is the Internet age, and blogs are fast becoming a powerful medium of disseminating information.
MW: Mr. Nath, could you please tell us a little more about this new opportunity for India?
KN: The world is far from a peaceful place. Every day, there are protests in Europe and North America over several issues. Part of being democratic countries is allowing people the right to protest against what they think is wrong. But protests also waste productivity. When people are protesting, they are not contributing to the economy of their nations. So instead of protesting themselves, they can simply outsource their outrage to Indian companies that will specialise in this area. They can then go about their daily lives, confident that their protests are in safe hands.
MW: Why are you so convinced that Indians are the best suited for this activity?
KN: Of course we are the best! First of all, Indians have been offended at pretty much everything over the years. If you’ve written a book that’s even slightly controversial, there are sections that want it banned. If you make a movie that tackles bold themes, you can expect howls of protest about how it’s corrupting impressionable young minds. If you wear a female tennis outfit just like everyone else in the tennis world, somebody will be quick to point out how you are no longer a good member of your community. So let me assure you, no matter what the subject of the protest is, we Indians are capable of delivering a strong protest. Our service standards are world-class and globally competitive. When it comes to protesting, we are the epitome of “unity in diversity”! With our wide range of religions, beliefs, and castes, we are champions at being offended and having our sentiments hurt.