(Special to MadMan’s Web)
Move over call centres and data processing BPOs. The future of outsourcing
belongs to another industry, if Indian Minister for Commerce, Kamal Nath, is to be
believed. According to Nath, the next new wave of growth in the Indian economy
will come from – believe it or not – the protest industry, now being referred to
as SPO – Strong Protest Outsourcing.
Speaking at a news conference in New Delhi, Kamal Nath briefed reporters that
he sees major business opportunities in getting Western countries to outsource
their protests to India. Nath said, "the outsourcing business is about
saving costs and increasing efficiency. Why should people in countries like USA
and UK waste their time protesting over various issues? The per-capita income is
too high to waste time on being offended. Instead, they can simply outsource
this activity to Indian companies." Asked whether Indian companies were
globally competitive in this market, Nath confidently added, "Can you think
of any country better suited for this business? India is a diverse country with
people of many faiths and beliefs. We have a rich history of being offended at
every little thing, from western expressions of love like Valentine’s Day to
what someone names their dogs. I am certain that we can be the dominant player
in this market in the next five years."
After the press conference, Kamal Nath granted MadMan’s Web an exclusive
freewheeling interview in which he talked at length about this new business
opportunity, India’s competence in this area, and the government’s special
initiatives to foster growth in the industry.
MadMan’s Web: Mr. Nath, thank you for giving us this chance to
Kamal Nath: My pleasure. This is the Internet age, and blogs are fast
becoming a powerful medium of disseminating information.
MW: Mr. Nath, could you please tell us a little more about this new
opportunity for India?
KN: The world is far from a peaceful place. Every day, there are
protests in Europe and North America over several issues. Part of being
democratic countries is allowing people the right to protest against what they
think is wrong. But protests also waste productivity. When people are
protesting, they are not contributing to the economy of their nations. So
instead of protesting themselves, they can simply outsource their outrage to
Indian companies that will specialise in this area. They can then go about their
daily lives, confident that their protests are in safe hands.
MW: Why are you so convinced that Indians are the best suited for this
KN: Of course we are the best! First of all, Indians have been
offended at pretty much everything over the years. If you’ve written a book
that’s even slightly controversial, there are sections that want it banned. If
you make a movie that tackles bold themes, you can expect howls of protest about
how it’s corrupting impressionable young minds. If you wear a female tennis
outfit just like everyone else in the tennis world, somebody will be quick to
point out how you are no longer a good member of your community. So let me
assure you, no matter what the subject of the protest is, we Indians are capable
of delivering a strong protest. Our service standards are world-class and
globally competitive. When it comes to protesting, we are the epitome of "unity in
diversity"! With our wide range of religions, beliefs, and
castes, we are champions at being offended and having our sentiments hurt.